Angels?

The mind does treacherous things to the heart. A scripture in the Bible says that the heart does treacherous things to the mind, but I do think it's the other way around. Last night, while out to dinner with my father and waiting the hour for a table, I turned away from him for a moment. When I turned back, for a split second I saw my mother sitting next to him, in between him and the lady in the chair next to him.

Brings up obvious questions in my mind, is she with us? Is my mind playing dirty tricks on me, making me remember when she actually was with us, then making me painfully realize that she is not. Then I hurt for quite awhile, grieving on many different levels for her. Is she an angel like the "psychic" woman in Arizona said?

I realize that as long as she's in my memory, she is with me. That is a small comfort, anyway. I can conjure in my mind and heart, the hundreds of times we all went out to dinner, the family parties we attended and for which we cooked, her jokes, her laughter--her joyous laughter, her operatic voice, her hyper-sharp sense of humor. Which I do often.

But when my mind tricks my heart like that it is especially painful. I so want her to be with us, instead of her being dead and my father so ill. It wasn't supposed to be this way. No No No. It wasn't.