A Little Cheese with that Whine?

Here's the latest in the life of Cmaine:

I am overwhelmed by this job search. Now Scott and I are both seriously looking for gainful employment. The company in New Zealand turned Scott down, and so did Dreamworks SKG. He had an interview with a smaller company yesterday, but I'm beginning to get nervous. Boeing hasn't even called him back and it's been three weeks since he heard that they'd "hire him in a minute" if he sent his resume.

Our insurance runs out in September; I'm supposed to have carpal tunnel surgery on my left hand July 5th; I have several sewing projects to get done before then, and now I'm realizing I only have about 10 days to do all of them. But I'm concerned that if Scott does get employed and changes insurance, my right hand will be considered a "pre-existing condition" and won't be covered. I haven't had the nerve yet to find out how much these surgeries cost, but I imagine they are no less than $10K, and that would put us in the poorhouse for sure, then.

My job search? It's a complete joke. I started on December 21st, the day Scott got his notice of lay-off. Since then, I've received the "We have your resume!" letters and several "someone better than you was chosen" letters and emails, but nothing in between. I think I'm up to about 60 applications with no interviews. I did get called for one typing/spreadsheet test, which was very easy and even fun, but that was the "someone better than you" letter.

I look at the openings and job descriptions I see online, and my gut sinks. I don't know how to get a job anymore. There really is an overwhelming number of jobs available, really. I'm sure if I applied to every one of them, there might be a bite from someone. I'm just overwhelmed and tired of the whole process. Did I say I was overwhelmed? 8^) I want to fill out one standard application, one resume, and pass it all around, hoping someone will call. But that's not going to happen is it.

Some of these apps really surprise me. For an admin position, questions on the app are, for example, "Tell us why you feel uniquely qualified for this position" "how much do you know about concrete?"

How many conditions factor in to companies not calling me? Let's see, my resume proves I'm old (well, over 40, anyway). I've been out of the paid workforce for nearly 12 years. My degree is rather recent for someone my age. And they haven't even seen my face yet!

I've been referred to so many different organizations...one position seemed perfect for the City PD, part time, mornings, and a continuous applications process. I hit the apply button and got a "position closed" message. Another organization had several openings; the location was convenient, qualifications required fit me, yada, and when I hit the "job description" button, I got a "file not found" message for all of the jobs for 3 days in a row.

One position has today for a deadline; it's for the city of Long Beach, CA--offices right on the beach in the regentrified portion of downtown, not far from the Queen Mary and near the Long Beach Grand Prix track. This city not only doesn't have an online application, it requires that one send a "letter of interest" and a resume, and then if they want you, they'll send you an application, which will say the exact same things as the letter and the resume. The deadline is today at 5:pm, so I still have time if I can get out of my funk to do this one.

I haven't really interviewed for about 20 years. I don't even like it that I can remember that far back and I was an adult then!!

I'm whining? yes, probably. But this has all led me into a blue funk that I'm dredging mud from the bottom to climb out of.

My job experience? I've edited, proofread, typed correspondence, written correspondence, troubleshot pc software and hardware issues, installed and maintained pc software and hardware, worked with executive as well as mid and entry management staff, gave admin support to staffs bigger than 70 members, given work direction to employees of lower classifications. I've done library research as a research assistant for three different libraries. I've taught pc operations, software applications, business behavior, office organization, interview techniques, resume preparation, research methods, and even medical terminology as well as typing. I coordinated three (3) logistics nightmares, er, moves for departments of varying sizes, including combining three departments from three locations into one happy family location, supervised the re-connection of all electronics, stayed at the company for the whole d*Mn weekend to make sure that everything was set up and running by Monday so that all everyone had to do was unpack their boxes. Production losses? NONE. I performed a cost/benefits analysis for a department to find the best use scenario for the new more powerful computers that had been ordered. I increased productivity--the numbers were never shared with me, but the managers were very happy with how their staff now had computers that matched their abilities and worked smarter, better and faster than they had done before I did the analysis. I worked with a committee to select the lap tops purchased for company-wide use. This doesn't count the school supply company, the concrete/cement company, Caltrans experience I have. All of the above jobs I've done have been under the classification of "administrative clerk." Go figure.

Somebody better than I am got these jobs?

Oh--and while I wasn't "working" I began raising two children, volunteered for and let a Moms organization, a preschool boosters group (where I actually recruited and selected members of the board, raised nearly $3000 for a storage shed, and coordinated two huge fund raising events for this, and additionally helped in the preschool classroom. I volunteered for the PTA, oversaw all the volunteer parent room helpers, contacting people from each of the 20 classrooms to head the room volunteers, coordinated their activities, trained them for form completion, policies and disseminating information as needed from the PTA board and the principal. From that, I was elected to represent the parent community on the School Site Council, and from that, I was elected for a two-year term to represent the School Site Council on the District Advisory Committee, the liaison between the community, schools, and the school board. That doesn't count being the list administrator for 10 years for a group of professional, totally terrific moms who all gave birth to perfect children within the same month.

So, um, how do I start a letter of interest to be a clerk typist?

When I see a job position for just about anything, from typist, to technical writer, to secretary to dog watcher, I qualify. I know I do, but get these 30-somethings to give me a chance. I still have a good 20 years of work left in this old crotchety mind...how bout letting me contribute.

Do I want to go back to work? I'm ambivalent. I think I'd love it. Truly I do. But I'd miss my girls so very much--that would take some time to get over. This is why I think the best compromise is to find something within a few miles of their school, so that at least day care would not be for so long, and perhaps I'd have time to bring them lunch every once in awhile. I'd also be able to afford the housekeeper. Then even Scott would be happy. If I do get full time work, though, I know of nobody, paid or not, who will pick up my children from school, take them to piano lessons, soccer practice, singing rehearsals, and the like.

I was reminded by a good friend how my life has been for the last 5-10 years. I returned to school, gave birth, achieved my bachelor's degree, gave birth again, gave care to elder parents, got through my mother's death, grieved over that tremendously, gave care to my father for the next three years, advocated for my father, administered my mother's estate, found living arrangements for my father, made sure he got to see his granddaughters as much as possible, took him on little field trips so he could get some sea air, made sure he got the care he needed for his illnesses, advocated for him with all of his doctors. I found his doctors for him, since his were all 85 miles away. All this time I had two small daughters and a husband and a house to try to keep running and show that I care. I got through his death, and felt some relief, and then after just a few months, real grieving began, complete with regrets. At least I had only a few with my mother. There were many for my father. I did my personal best, which wasn't anyone else's personal best, so that made me feel as if I gave him inadequate care. Now don't go saying that "you were a good daughter," blah blah...I know I did my best. It just didn't seem good enough even at the time.

All that time, I've dealt with my own health issues, as well. I don't even tell my husband about them all...he's tired of hearing about it. I've had 3 surgeries (2 c-sections and gall bladder), and get to look forward to 2 more. Plus, I'm old--for each decade I've lived I have 1.5 pills to swallow. Some for pain, some for supposed energy, some to just get through the day, and one to counteract some of the side effects of the others.

What's the reward? one year later nearly exactly, we are both out of work and income. I'm overwhelmed with the job search, trying to lose weight so that I'll look presentable for an interview that may never happen, doing more projects at home (making gifts, e.g.) to save money, and trying to keep two kids entertained all day and hope they forget they wanted to attend several summer camps this year. Piano lessons will probably stop for the summer; although Sarah really does need something to do to spend her time. Going to the beach here costs $10 for parking--we might have to "create" a beach in our back yard. Gas is $3.20 a gallon, so travel, at $70/tank, will be limited. Thank goodness we've already paid for the trailer we are renting to go to Lake Tahoe for the last week of the summer!

Then, in September, when the insurance runs out, the severance money runs out, and we are down to our paltry savings, the girls return to school, where we all know the dollar hemorrhage begins again...$25 for each soccer team, new cleats, new uniforms, piano lessons again, "contribution" to the school, PTA, teams, etc. ad nausea.

So, if I have seemed distant, impersonal, not as warm and fuzzy as I want to be, perhaps this explains in a little way why.s

I'd better quit now, or I may find a way for Scott to inherit my life insurance! (kidding)

Ok, Ok, that's enough for one mouthful. I think I'll get dressed and go for a walk in the nice warm sun.