Seven-Year-Old Issues

Sometimes this job of mothering is difficult.

That is all I can remember of the beautiful, well-written, deeply thought out blog entry that was lost because of a pop-up blocker when I tried to perform a spell check. I shall try again, but I know it won't be half as beautiful. Oh, the pain.

Anyway, I'll go on now.

As soccer practice ended and we all walked toward our cars, my daughter comes behind me crying and saying that she wants to quit soccer. I don't understand this because she loves soccer. She is always ready for practice early, even lets me put a pony tail in her hair for the games, and really gives the games her best.

When pressed for further information she tells me that no one on the team likes her except for one girl, that another girl, whom I've nicknamed Chicklet, says things about BD1, saying that she's a bad soccer player, and the other girls say she's the worst player on their team. Chicklet, BD1 says, whispers things about her to the other girls, and the other girls believe her and taunt BD1 with the information. BD1 has complained about this girl to me before. Chicklet has called her a cry-baby, and a few other names. Chicklet's mother evidently called all the girls "stupid" when they out-voted Chicklet for the team name (she wanted "Hot Chicks" and they voted for "Striking Vikings").

I don't get this kind of behavior. I didn't get it when I was 7 years old, either. Of course, it brings back my own unresolved issues from school, church, work and family. I try, though, to not let those interfere with my reasoning with BD1 about her issues. Why do parents allow, encourage even, this behavior in children? Why do some parents not grow up themselves, and continue to behave this way themselves?

The little girl rarely looks happy. I have no idea why.

What would a normal parent tell her child in a situation like this? My own demons scream too loudly at me to say things about Chicklet to BD1, and be just as nasty as her mother evidently is, and scream at me that BD1 is treated this way because I am socially inept, physically unacceptable by society's standards, not the richest, most influential person in the community (or one of the top 20), whatever inadequacy can be filled in for my screaming demons. I try so hard to not project my issues upon my daughter, but then maybe she has just inherited this backward social gene from me. I don't know.

I never played on teams in school, more my parents' doing than the schools,' and really wanted BD1 to learn about cooperation, teamwork, all that, through soccer. Therefore, I feel that I don't have the tools to help my daughter through this successfully.

What would you, any one of my 7 readers do?

I know I have catching up to write, the Reno Trip, the other issues, and some political commentary of my own, but not tonight. Perhaps next time.

Thanks for "listening"

Out Damn Email, Out!

Well, I'll be d****d. I followed instructions to the letter, and have been only successful at screwing up my email address. I can now not only not receive mail, but now I cannot send it either. It ought to be fixed in a few days, if my dear darling sweet smart husband/sys admin can figure some things out for me. Perhaps in my next entry I'll express my frustrations and some more details, but right now, after 2 solid hours of trying to get it all settled, I'm now behind in every aspect of my life.

Going to go catch up with myself now.

We've returned home from the Air Races, and I'll write about that later. Clipped from the Nordic Goddess' blog is the following:

What was the last...

book you read? The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver--haven't quite finished yet.

movie you saw? Cinema: Fahrenheit 911

tv programme you watched? Local News...but the one I paid attention to last night was Jay Leno/Jon Stewart

song you heard? "Little Bill" theme song (cartoon on TV right now)

thing you drank? black coffee, which I'm drinking right now.

thing you ate? french toast, homemade.

time you showered? Yesterday morning

time you smiled? See below.

time you laughed? on the phone with DH after hearing the story of how BD2 answered the phone and told him I was "going potty."

person you hugged? My DH before he left for work

person you talked to on the telephone? (DVD)... My Orthodontist, trying to reschedule appointments

Zoom, Zoom, Zoom!!

It's the time of year when we do our annual pilgrimage to watch the airplanes race round and round. A good friend of DH's (The Pilot) will participate crewing for one of the racers, so we actually have someone to cheer for at the Reno Air Races.

We leave tomorrow (Thursday) am, and will return late Monday night, the 20th. I plan to bring some sewing and a few books, plus my new Vanity Fair with Jude Law on the cover. The actual plan races excite me; I do really love airplane noise; however, the daring plane tricks (except for the military displays of power), don't do much for me. I really don't wish to see anyone crash, so while the tricks and special shows are on, I usually read or sew. It's nearly quality alone time!

Have spent about $4,000. on my car in the last month, including new tires and a front end alignment, so have positive thoughts for us that we make it there and back safely. I also hope that's all the $$$ I have to spend on this dumpy truckish vehicle.

Anyway, it may be the last year we pull Sarah out of school to go, so we plan to make the best of the trip and go see the dead pine cone forest, or whatever it's called, plus a couple of other side trips. Dh will be mad at me, since I didn't realize until 15 minutes after the kennel closed that I hadn't taken Hamlet yet, and now I have to bribe a neighbor to do it, or wait 'till 8am tomorrow to take him, which will put DH behind in his imaginary schedule by 2 hours. Oh well, "it's an adventure", right?

Waiting for the last load of laundry dries so I can pack...Have a great weekend everyone!

Oh Calgon wherefore art thou??

Somebody give me a bleeding break!!!

I've been working on the damn playroom "stuff" all day. Yes, that's from 9:00 this morning until 9:00 tonight. I'm so lost and overwhelmed by all the crap in this house!! I want to leave it all!!! BD1, my darling 7 yr old just sits and watches TV as I clean HER stuff. Have you ever tried to sort 1,000's of pencils from 1,000's of crayons into separate bins?? Talk about a pain in the ass.

Now, DH is due home in about 20 minutes, and of course, the dishes aren't done, the front room looks like Ivan hit it, the playroom looks as if I was just beginning instead of almost through with it, the dining room table looks as if an art supply store imploded on it. Can I make it livable looking before he gets home? Some wedding anniversary. Harumph.

Thanks for letting me vent. Even if you're not there, if I write it, at least it's not festering in my chest, causing me more ulcers.

It just feels as if the world is spinning faster--the seconds are shorter making the hours go by so quickly, and that the list of things to do will evolve into some kind of monster that will just swallow me and I'll disappear into a bomb of paper.

Oh--and I just remembered, BD2 needs a bath for her first day at preschool tomorrow! Shite.

12 Years

Twelve years ago today, DH and I married. I'm lucky to have him as my husband, and love him very much. He's given me a great life, a beautiful home, two beautiful daughters, and a dog. We have traveled together to many places and he is a great traveling companion.

Happy Anniversary my Dear One!

So, what are we doing for our anniversary? We did most of it last night. We went on a date! Alone!! Got the babysitter and the whole nine yards. Ate dinner at Walt's Wharf, and for once I did not fill myself up so much I couldn't breathe, but dinner was delicious! Then a nice drive along the beach until the sun set, and back to real life.

Picked up some ointment for Dad, paid the babysitter and took her home.

We somewhat discussed how disconnected we feel frequently these days, since we are both so surrounded by the details of daily life, me with trying to manage a home, and not doing very well, trying to do the best for the girls, and not always succeeding (after all, you know, I am a "spineless mother"--see previous entry), not exactly happy about being "on-call" 24 hours/day, 7 days/week for four people, and not getting very many of my projects accomplished.

Then there is DH and his own stressors--money, his work, having to work nearly 14 hours a day if you count the travel time, and barely being here on the weekends. He'd like to relax when he does finally get home, but his home has been so chaotic lately (well, for the past 2 years, really), it's nearly impossible to do that.

It's a challenge to reconnect, especially with two darling distractions constantly demanding our attention, and a four-hour date is not enough, but nearly felt like too much.

I don't seem able to keep up with everything. If I work on a project, the rest of the house falls apart. If I do the house rituals, the projects don't get done and the clutter just keeps building up into deeper piles. Maybe one day I'll get it. I hope I do. I think my dh is being driven crazy by all the "stuff" in our lives.

This is where my depression comes in to bite me. Years of "you're not good enough" messages in my head and trying to prove the opposite tend to not go away without a fight. When I get this overwhelmed I start drowning in that pattern of "I-can't-do-all-of-it-today, so-I-won't-do-any-of-it."

However, with that said, I did finish another stage of the playroom today. I worked on it for about 3 hours, and sorted all the craft-artwork-activity stuff into plastic containers which will fit into the 3rd shelving unit I will put together.

Between that, going back and forth between pediatrician and school district for BD2 so she can indeed attend school tomorrow, having my printer run out of ink completely when the urgently needed document was faxed, finding an alternative fax number (thanks, DH!), going to the favorite local department store (the one with the red circle and a red dot in the middle) to buy said ink, finding lots of other things, and getting BD1 from school friend's house because we had to return to the store to find BD2's shoe left in the shopping cart, I feel as if I've actually done something today. Add all that to then phoning the mechanic to find out when I can take my car in (again) for tires and an alignment this time, planning for our trip this weekend, advocating for my father and the lack of help he got last night when he nearly fell attempting to return dishes to the kitchen (long story), getting BD2 to take a nap (done by the ride home from the "lost shoe" store), while I assemble the 3rd shelving unit and empty the car from the original shopping trip, I should feel accomplished indeed.

However, I look at my home and my sewing is still out, having done none of that today, yesterday's newspaper is still on the front sofa, mostly unread, the three boxes of paperwork left to me to deal with by my parents is still on the front room floor, and I'm not sure if I can see the dining room table top or not, it's got so much school paperwork on it. I feel undone even though I've been thoroughly busy all day.

Ok, maybe not this past twenty minutes as I've typed this, but most of the day I've been very busy. Now it's mostly time to get ready for tomorrow, but there is still so much to do today. My mind cannot embrace this part of my life nor enjoy it.

There is so much more to this brain dump, but I'll save you from all that.

-me

PLAYROOM!!!

Wow. I haven't been here for awhile. At least it's been because we've been busy with everything. BD1 started soccer, Dear Old Dad always wants me to take him somewhere; not anywhere in particular, but just anywhere. BD2 is busy just being here--jumps, hops, speaks in full sentences clearly, plays computer games, loves Dora the Explorer, just doesn't stop. Besides all that, my computer freezes every few minutes and takes it's lovely time unfreezing. So writing becomes more frustrating then enjoyable.

I've been attempting to re-organize myself, and trying to get my dh to help with the play room.

Well, today (Yee haw!!)the whole family helped empty the room into sections in the garage, in true Mission Organization fashion. The empty garage has been transformed. The entire contents of the playroom are now categorized in stacks: Games, Puzzles, Dolls, Photos and Projects, Books, Trash, Donations, Other Rooms and Wall Stuff. My very dear husband did so much to help--I could not have done it by myself.

This afternoon we plan to put things back--after the shelving unit is assembled and up. Then we can fill it with the books, games and puzzles, find a place for the dolls, dress-up, doctor's crash cart, and hang the pictures. We can actually see the floor!

I am so excited to actually be doing this project--maybe I'll be able to focus on others now!

Lunch just now came into the house--I'm going to eat and get back to work!